5 posts tagged “birthday”
...Is The New Zero
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
Okay I know I know...
Ive heard the old yarn about getting old... that its better than the alternative.
But I think Im having a mid-life crisis or something. Anxiety. Havent done all the stuff I want to do, Havent had all the sex I want to have, Havent been to all the countries I want to go to, Havent had my first car, first house, No babies, Havent had my first or second marriage yet... I always thought I would have a starter husband and then the real one... I better get started, Im late!
Im trying to enjoy my single-hood. Transition from lonely to alone, but its hard. That is my biggest fear, dying alone and never passing any of me down to anyone else. Im not a good teacher so I would have to pass it genetically... if I could, too late for that
Trying to enjoy all the stuff my married, childrened, lockeduped girlfriends say they always wanted to do. Trying to have enough fun for all of them and my mom and my sisters, both of whom are SO SERIOUS. Wearing my silly self out.
Starting back at zero with nothing. Forty is the new zero. Boston is not holding me but New York wont let me back in and I dont have the ruby slippers to entice the guy at the front gate with the handbar mustache. Oh you didnt know? The Wizard of Oz is about Law School! Un Huh! You go all the way to Queens and slay the evil witch, meanwhile the sh*ts you needed all along were right on your feet... that first witch, the so-called good witch, never informed you of that fact that when your house first landed. DETREMENTAL RELIANCE! That movie would have been two hours and forty-five minutes shorter had that first b*tch Glenda the good witch, or some of those Liliputian MFers just told Dorothy how to use the shoes to get back home to the Bronx in the first d*mn place!
The past is less frightening than the future, because the future is unknown. If you try real hard, you can discover more about your past. But try as hard as you can... you cant know the future. Cant protect yourself from sh*t you cant see... sometimes you cant protect yourself from the sh*t you can see, like aging.
I never wanted to be one of those women who were fighting my age and losing. Getting IVF at forty-five, using potions, surgery bizarre diets and spells because I just couldnt let go. But now, I can TOTALLY see how that can happen... Example: Im not getting anymore grey hair. I only have one now. If anymore join that one, Im getting colored rinsed plucked, something! Never would have considered any artificial color in my hair before age thirty-eight. But now, Im pricing it at Sally's, just because Ima be forty in two days, dont mean I have to look like it!
OH MY GOD! Im gonna be forty in two days!!!!
Ima need another drank, Yall.
Bon Nuit Mes Enfants!
HENNY HELD HIGH!
Luuuv that Amy Winehouse joint... Question: Can you legally call it a "joint" if its a Ska song about substance abuse written and perfomed by a young Jewish woman from England?
They tried to make me go to rehab/ I said No No No/ Yes I been Black, but when I come back/ Youll Know Know Know/ I aint got the time/ And if my daddy thinks Im fine/ They tried to make me go to rehab/ And I wont Go Go Go!
Her contention is that all she needs is a little love, soul music by Ray Charles and Donny Hathaway... and a little alcohol and she'll be just fine.
I know that's right! Alcoholics All World STAND UP!!!
...or lay down, if you need to. Im just sayin' LOL
EVENT EVITE
So Im getting some interesting responses to my Birthday Extravaganza Evite. Ive given all types of Birthday parties over the years. A Wine, Cheese and Dessert Party, A Seventies Party, A Pajama Party, Party at a Bed and Breakfast, an Amusement Park Excursion, Two Story Party sister's house, A Bronx-Style Party at my apartment building, etc. But Ive never given a Dinner/Dance Restaurant Birthday Party. For this party, I will only have to dress myself, and I wont be cooking a thing. Its a shock to the system!
But back to the Evite. Some people have not even opened the Evite to read it. Some got the Evite and then called me to tell me who all was coming. One party-goer asked me If I would cover his food and drink. One wanted me to arrange a hotel room and a ride to New York for her. One person wants me to change the location and have my party in Boston. One ex took the invitation as an opportunity to proposition me, in writing, over his work email !?!?!
But other than that, Ive gotten at least fifteen on and offline "yes" and several strong "maybes," with some people coming in for the dancing only, so Im all set. Happy Birthday to Me! Happy Birthday to Me! Happy Birthday Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to me! (well not for another month and ten days, but I like to start early)
I GOT FIVE ON IT
Okay so at work, the company is celebrating its Fifth Anniversary. They are giving a boatride and everything, which I may have to miss be cause I will be in manditory practice with the Boston Pops Gospel Night that week. But as part of the celebration, they asked all the employees to send in pics of themselves at age five. They are making a company fifth year collage. Some of us were five years old in the eighties, some were five in the seventies and some were five in the fifties! You can tell everyone's age based on the clothes their parents had them wearing at age five, LOL!
I gave them these:
Now dont tell my Mom I have these pics. She'll only ask for them back and I need them. Besides its family tradition, everybody in my family steals pics from their mothers. Anyway, this one is with my sister in one of those staged Xmas pictures my mother would have us pose for. I am five and my sister is one, still in her hard white baby shoes. My mother was a budding photographer/ artist and we were her favorite subjects. This was after the official photo shoot was over and she made us laugh. My front teeth were MIA, but we were having big fun on the end of the Cocktail Table!
Now this is one of those public school pictures taken in first grade at PS 156 Benjamin Banneker. Technically, I was six in this picture. That school was full of bad kids and even worst teachers. My teeth were still not cooperating with me, so this was a closed-mouth grin. You dont see my teeth again till second grade. This little girl looked so determined and smart, a little sarcastic, skeptical and a little too wise for six and a half. Im still the same way now. Good thing my body eventually caught up with my head. My head was too big for my body till undergrad!
THE NEW GIG
Did I tell you I love my new job. I leave out the back of my building, ride the company-sponsored shuttle for ten minutes, get off, cross the street and ride the elevator to my desk, where I read contracts all day, then I ride the elevator back down and return trip! No fuss, no muss, no angry white supervisors, and no one asking me to clock out to use the bathroom. I just do my job and then I go home! Who knew such a job existed? Went to the kitchen to wash my coffee cup on Friday afternoon (yesterday) and they were wheeling in a cart of beer, wine, soda, cheese, crackers, veggies and dip! It seems they give a morale boosting party every third Friday. I packed up my coffee cup and went on in. People introduced themselves to me, shook hands and struck up conversation. I have fallen into Work Heaven. Ive been there three weeks and this is the third workplace party theyve had ?!?!?! A true blessing from God in the form of a little plastic cup of Merlot and a cheese plate! Wow.
AuRevoir!
Share a story about your sibling(s) or a family member from when you were a kid.
Submitted by Jenny Marie.
FAMILY BIRTHDAY TRADITIONS
This pic was taken at my middle sister's thirteenth birthday party. She is on the far right. That's me on the left; Im almost seventeen. My baby sister's in the middle; she's four. My middle sister's birthday is in June (Gemini) and mine is in July (Cancer). On her birthday we usually gave a party and on mine we usually travelled. As we got older, the parties and the travel got bigger. She would celebrate with huge dinner parties at restaurants, I would have a destination birthday at a Bed and Breakfast on Long Island or Virginia Beach, etc. My baby sister? Her birthday's in April (Taurus). Being so much younger, she got whatever she wanted for her birthday, but nowadays a friend will throw her a small private party.
The pic above is us, in the South Bronx, natural, on my mother's homemade chair covers, before we went to college, before we grew up, smiling with no shoes on. Nowadays, Im an attorney, my baby sister is a preacher and the Birthday Girl is now a Phd. Today we dont even listen to the same music anymore (Me:Gangster Rap + Reggaeton, Baby Sister:Neo-Soul + Contemporary Gospel, Middle Sister:Disco and R+B).
Sometimes we go to cookouts together, but we dont usually party together anymore. This is us last year with Dr. Kathy at the East Coast Blogger Cookout given by MrSlish. In the future, I hope we can party together again.
And that, Mes Enfants, is the story of my family's birthday traditions!
WestEnd: What Now!??!?!
HarlemWorld: Well you shoulda kept your mouth shut till you got some a$$
WestEnd: Gurl, I dont think that was gonna happen whether I talked or not!
This post is gonna be kinda boring...Its more of a brain dump than a post.
I finally got to go home on Sunday. I took a Noonish Greyhound cause I was scared to take FungWah. I missed the entire All-Star weekend due to the snow and travel. I was bummed.
BIRTHDAY WEEKEND
I went straight to Ks house to hang out with her for her birthday. Weve known each other thirty-one years! I got her a birthday card that showed pocket books over the ages. Its a running joke between us that my pocketbooks are too large, and heavy enough to contain a small child. The card showed a cute little flowered number at age 6 all the way to a great big flowered monstrosity at age 65. Inside I wrote that I hope we continue to know eachother for at least another thirty years, her forever at age 25 and me forever at age 29 LOL!!!!
I hung out with her family and watched my GodDaughters while she took a nap. They all have been trapped in the house due to the weather so she needed a break. I gave the girls some extra Mardi Gras beads I brought down from Boston. The girls, typical sisters (age ten and five), fought for hours over which sister should get which beads until their dad came out and suggested that we watch Cinderella III (Im still trying to figure how Disney got to the third one. Maybe Cinderella II was the one with BrandyandWhoopi?). We also watched Tyler Perry's Madea Goes To Jail (a film of the stage play). I stayed overnight and then we went uptown to the Bronx.
She couldnt drank because of a new health condition. I couldnt shop because of an old financial condition. But it was so good to just spend time with people I didnt have to entertain, people who love me unconditionally and treat me as part of the family. The baby read a book with me. K made sure I had a towel and clean sheets to sleep on. The oldest girl made sure the house was warm enough. Ks husband wanted to know if I had considered moving back to New York before finding a job. They all hugged me and included me in the family dinner. I guess they were glad to see me too... then I left this warm loving environment and stepped into my mother's house.
DESCENT
My babysister had been terrorizing the family with her manic depression episodes, so the mood was somber at ChezMommy's. As usual, my mother hadnt cooked, leaving me to fend for myself in the broken down forty year old refrigerator to put something together to eat. She tried to make small talk but it was empty. She told me she wants me to make her a quilt for her bed, full-sized for her birthday in April. My babysister had just moved back home and her stuff was in piles all over the house. Everyone, including my mother afraid to tell her to move her sh*t into her bedroom, for fear of another hairy coniption fit. I looked at the bathroom and the couch I would have to clean and then sleep on and decided that A) I would be returning to my bed in Boston that night no matter how late, and B) I would not be back in New York until I had money for a hotel room. Ive never seen anyone try so hard to make a home so uncomfortable. My mother needs to tell that crazy b*tch to rein her emotional and physical sh*t in. And then, she needs to buy a refrigerator and some f*cking groceries! Why would someone treat their own children that way?
FIGHTING THE REAL WMD
My middlesister and I went outside with a screwdriver, billyclub... and two bags of rocksalt to dig her car out. She had been driving back and forth to New Jersey to move my babysister (who absolutely didnt appreciate it) and finally parked the car in a free spot on CVW. Well, the snow plows came by on Wednesday, the temp went up and then down, leaving the wheels shellacked in a block of sludge that even the triple A couldnt get her out of. I asked, "Did they try salt?" She said, "No" So we went out to do battle with the real WMD that was holding my middlesisters car hostage. I call it WMD because it was several layers thick, very heavy and the rock salt DID NOT MELT IT, only cracked it. We spread the rocksalt around the drivers side, and borrowed a shovel from Fine N Fare (grocery store/ large bodega) across the street. After about forty minutes of knocking, scraping and stabbing motions, the suspicious material masquerading as snow eventually cracked and we were able to nudge it away. I was dead set and determined that my middlesister not get a ticket. The temp was supposed to go back up to forty on Tuesday, but by then, she wouldve gotten a ticket for not observing alternate side of the street parking. People were walking by cheering us on and complaining how NYC Mayor Bloomberg shouldnt give tickets to people who legitimately couldnt move their cars. Sh*t! It was the city snowplows that blocked folk in in the first place! Eventually, she got in the car and used her four wheel drive to pull the f*ck out. I stood on the curb across the street thanking Jesus, giving the South Bronx cheer ( "Doot Doo!!!!" ) and singing the Subaru commercial, "Subaru! Feel the freedom! Subaru!" LOL.
We drove through the car wash to get the salt and WMD off the car so it wouldnt eat the finish. There were a couple slabs of mystery sludge stuck in between the windshield and the wipers. We went through the entire car wash and THEY DID NOT MELT!!! The Spanish guys who wipe the car at the end after the carwash had to pick them up and throw them away. Whoever heard of snow that doesnt melt under hot water and soap? That wasnt no d*mn snow, that was some WMD!
BACK TO THE BEAN
Middlesister cooked dinner, I ate a little, talked to Slish on the phone and then left back to Boston. I cried as I left. I have to move back home but I cant ever move back in with my mother again, not even a little bit. I left in a gypsy cab to 125th, then walked to 128th to get a quarter half of VSOP Henny and a can of Arizona Ice Tea. I really needed it. I tried to soak in as much of New York as I could. I took the A to Port Authority with a crowd of cursing teenagers and a guy whose junkie lean led him to lay out on the floor of the subway car. At least two people stepped over him and continued to the next subway car without missing a beat. When I got off, I told the conductor that someone was passed out. Come to find out, the guy I saw was actually one of two junkies laid out on the train that night (?!??!!)
Went down to Gate 84 and made good time with a horny bus driver. (SideBar: What is it about a head scarf, chapped lips and midnight eye-crust that make men wanna get friendly during the Rest Stop?) We made it back in three and a half hours.
BACK IN THE LUV SHACK
Back in my bed at 2am on Mardi Gras between my 350 count sheets, in my beads and sleep socks, with my CacaoReserve Extra Dark, Arizona and VSOP. Life is good! LOL!
Laissez Les BonTemps Roulez!!!
