13 posts tagged “im almost forty”
Okay I know I know...
Ive heard the old yarn about getting old... that its better than the alternative.
But I think Im having a mid-life crisis or something. Anxiety. Havent done all the stuff I want to do, Havent had all the sex I want to have, Havent been to all the countries I want to go to, Havent had my first car, first house, No babies, Havent had my first or second marriage yet... I always thought I would have a starter husband and then the real one... I better get started, Im late!
Im trying to enjoy my single-hood. Transition from lonely to alone, but its hard. That is my biggest fear, dying alone and never passing any of me down to anyone else. Im not a good teacher so I would have to pass it genetically... if I could, too late for that
Trying to enjoy all the stuff my married, childrened, lockeduped girlfriends say they always wanted to do. Trying to have enough fun for all of them and my mom and my sisters, both of whom are SO SERIOUS. Wearing my silly self out.
Starting back at zero with nothing. Forty is the new zero. Boston is not holding me but New York wont let me back in and I dont have the ruby slippers to entice the guy at the front gate with the handbar mustache. Oh you didnt know? The Wizard of Oz is about Law School! Un Huh! You go all the way to Queens and slay the evil witch, meanwhile the sh*ts you needed all along were right on your feet... that first witch, the so-called good witch, never informed you of that fact that when your house first landed. DETREMENTAL RELIANCE! That movie would have been two hours and forty-five minutes shorter had that first b*tch Glenda the good witch, or some of those Liliputian MFers just told Dorothy how to use the shoes to get back home to the Bronx in the first d*mn place!
The past is less frightening than the future, because the future is unknown. If you try real hard, you can discover more about your past. But try as hard as you can... you cant know the future. Cant protect yourself from sh*t you cant see... sometimes you cant protect yourself from the sh*t you can see, like aging.
I never wanted to be one of those women who were fighting my age and losing. Getting IVF at forty-five, using potions, surgery bizarre diets and spells because I just couldnt let go. But now, I can TOTALLY see how that can happen... Example: Im not getting anymore grey hair. I only have one now. If anymore join that one, Im getting colored rinsed plucked, something! Never would have considered any artificial color in my hair before age thirty-eight. But now, Im pricing it at Sally's, just because Ima be forty in two days, dont mean I have to look like it!
OH MY GOD! Im gonna be forty in two days!!!!
Ima need another drank, Yall.
Bon Nuit Mes Enfants!
....Phat Mistress of Sound*
Congrats Ichiro Congratulations Willie Mays Congrats American League (again)! I got to cheer for the Red Sox and the Yankees simultaneously during the same game. And just so you know, Barry Bonds got a Standing O in Frisco. Ima tell you like my sister told me, "Its gotta be talent, 'cause they could give me all the steroids they want and I still couldnt hit the ball like that!"
ChezNiki: Dont tell anybody I was watching baseball, Mommy
ChezMom: Who would I tell?
Youse a crazy b*tch. Youve fostered half the state. Mentally Disabled, Handicapped... took them in, hired an attorney to legally adopt them... but when your natural son brings home your first granddaughter, you dont wanna claim her because she's light skinned?!?!? She's BIRACIAL you dumba$$, just like the last two strangers you adopted. You s*ck!
I cut my dreds out when I fell in love too. I didnt keep them though. I cut that man right outta my hair, Funny thing, he was baldheaded.
I wasnt talking about you this time either. You have an incredibly large ego for someone who lives at home. I might have contributed to that... on second thought? Naw you came to that conclusion on your own, Dude. Its 2007, shave that beard and come on out!
We get it. You have a lot of men sniffing after you. But until you stop rubbing your breasts on me at the club I DONT BELIEVE YOU!
Could you PLEASE STOP dating the gay men.... PLEASE! I get it. Youre afraid of men. You keep going for the unavailable men. I understand, believe me. But unavailable means he doesnt call you back, or stands you up for a date a couple times. Unavailable doesnt mean he will NEVER EVER get a hard-on for you because he is GAY. Youre not in Boston. Physical attraction is part of the deal. Stop being so hardheaded and do better for yourself, Gurl.
Yo! You got a lot of sh*t with you. Knucklehead, dont you know that writing helps you to write. Blogging is instantaneous publishing with immediate feedback. Unless you're on Vox, of course. But I guess you need attention more than you need writing practice.
You can stop checking my Evite like a little b*tch trying to figure out who RSVPed for all three of our parties. Ive invited several people from all over, to party in the Center of the Universe with the first Birthday Goddess. Mind Yo Bidness, Patnah! Me and him are cool, but you??!?! I have no intention of ever setting foot in your house again, so dont hurt yourself, dont embarrass yourself, and carry your narrow a$$ on.
Thank you for the Yahoo email counseling sessions during work. I obviously need it.
Just because you cant handle your life doesnt mean you get to take innocent women and children with you. You cant handle your bills? your steroids? your credit rating? your new white woman? your pregnant wife? You still dont get to kill your family. Cutts, Entwistle, Benoit, Peterson... you will suffer.
Whew! That feels better! Organic Peach Juice and Gin, who knew?
*What my DJ name would be if I took up the ones and twos. Have a recorded voice come on in between the mix saying, "Tell em why you mad, Son!" BWAHAHAHA!
My new MLB BabyDaddy... Look at those arms! ((sigh))
Bon Nuit, Mes Enfants...
Ever spend a lot of time with someone who later drops out of your life, leaves your circle of friends, or maybe you leave theirs... then maybe eighteen months to two years later you see or hear from them again and you remember and fall back into a comfortable conversation... picking up where you left off, laughing at the same old jokes, comfortable or uncomfortable in the same whatever kinda way?
This scenario has been happening to me a lot lately. Kinda like God is showing me the end of the story. Like I was wondering to myself, "Whatever happened to ____ and ____? Oh and ____???"
And God said,
"Well, he's still a ho, but his age is catching up with him, so now he is desperate for attention of ANY KIND, even negative attention"
"Her? She's still eccentric, but she still loves you like a sister."
"Oh and him? Well, Ill just show you..."
Makes me just wanna take up stalking... LawdHamMercy!
And God said, "I do!"
Bon Nuit Mes Enfants...
HENNY HELD HIGH!
Luuuv that Amy Winehouse joint... Question: Can you legally call it a "joint" if its a Ska song about substance abuse written and perfomed by a young Jewish woman from England?
They tried to make me go to rehab/ I said No No No/ Yes I been Black, but when I come back/ Youll Know Know Know/ I aint got the time/ And if my daddy thinks Im fine/ They tried to make me go to rehab/ And I wont Go Go Go!
Her contention is that all she needs is a little love, soul music by Ray Charles and Donny Hathaway... and a little alcohol and she'll be just fine.
I know that's right! Alcoholics All World STAND UP!!!
...or lay down, if you need to. Im just sayin' LOL
EVENT EVITE
So Im getting some interesting responses to my Birthday Extravaganza Evite. Ive given all types of Birthday parties over the years. A Wine, Cheese and Dessert Party, A Seventies Party, A Pajama Party, Party at a Bed and Breakfast, an Amusement Park Excursion, Two Story Party sister's house, A Bronx-Style Party at my apartment building, etc. But Ive never given a Dinner/Dance Restaurant Birthday Party. For this party, I will only have to dress myself, and I wont be cooking a thing. Its a shock to the system!
But back to the Evite. Some people have not even opened the Evite to read it. Some got the Evite and then called me to tell me who all was coming. One party-goer asked me If I would cover his food and drink. One wanted me to arrange a hotel room and a ride to New York for her. One person wants me to change the location and have my party in Boston. One ex took the invitation as an opportunity to proposition me, in writing, over his work email !?!?!
But other than that, Ive gotten at least fifteen on and offline "yes" and several strong "maybes," with some people coming in for the dancing only, so Im all set. Happy Birthday to Me! Happy Birthday to Me! Happy Birthday Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday to me! (well not for another month and ten days, but I like to start early)
I GOT FIVE ON IT
Okay so at work, the company is celebrating its Fifth Anniversary. They are giving a boatride and everything, which I may have to miss be cause I will be in manditory practice with the Boston Pops Gospel Night that week. But as part of the celebration, they asked all the employees to send in pics of themselves at age five. They are making a company fifth year collage. Some of us were five years old in the eighties, some were five in the seventies and some were five in the fifties! You can tell everyone's age based on the clothes their parents had them wearing at age five, LOL!
I gave them these:
Now dont tell my Mom I have these pics. She'll only ask for them back and I need them. Besides its family tradition, everybody in my family steals pics from their mothers. Anyway, this one is with my sister in one of those staged Xmas pictures my mother would have us pose for. I am five and my sister is one, still in her hard white baby shoes. My mother was a budding photographer/ artist and we were her favorite subjects. This was after the official photo shoot was over and she made us laugh. My front teeth were MIA, but we were having big fun on the end of the Cocktail Table!
Now this is one of those public school pictures taken in first grade at PS 156 Benjamin Banneker. Technically, I was six in this picture. That school was full of bad kids and even worst teachers. My teeth were still not cooperating with me, so this was a closed-mouth grin. You dont see my teeth again till second grade. This little girl looked so determined and smart, a little sarcastic, skeptical and a little too wise for six and a half. Im still the same way now. Good thing my body eventually caught up with my head. My head was too big for my body till undergrad!
THE NEW GIG
Did I tell you I love my new job. I leave out the back of my building, ride the company-sponsored shuttle for ten minutes, get off, cross the street and ride the elevator to my desk, where I read contracts all day, then I ride the elevator back down and return trip! No fuss, no muss, no angry white supervisors, and no one asking me to clock out to use the bathroom. I just do my job and then I go home! Who knew such a job existed? Went to the kitchen to wash my coffee cup on Friday afternoon (yesterday) and they were wheeling in a cart of beer, wine, soda, cheese, crackers, veggies and dip! It seems they give a morale boosting party every third Friday. I packed up my coffee cup and went on in. People introduced themselves to me, shook hands and struck up conversation. I have fallen into Work Heaven. Ive been there three weeks and this is the third workplace party theyve had ?!?!?! A true blessing from God in the form of a little plastic cup of Merlot and a cheese plate! Wow.
AuRevoir!
6/2/07 01:20:01 EST
Are you still at QBP? I see you in the Alumni Magazine all the time. I take it you like receptions with lots of free food (smile).
Send me a good email address for you so I can send you the Evite for my Fortieth Birthday Extravaganza in New York this Summer.
Yes Im Forty this year. Which means you are...
...really old! LOL
See You Later,
ChezNiki
6/4/07 10:30:50 EST
Chezz-
The sign of one's age is when you start getting gray hair down there! Well have you? LOL
You got the e-mail as I am responding to you (as I always have in a big way). If you want to send me pics, I have another one for you.
I hope all is well.
Give me a call when you get a chance (718-xxx-XXXX)
Be good or bad, which ever works better for you
M&M
6/4/07 13:20:13 EST
((Sigh)) Cant call you right now.... by the time I can, you will out of the office.
...only one grey, which no one will ever see. But you stole that "sign of age" line from your play cousin, Terry McMillan... and you see where that got her.
And I dont even want to know what type of pics you send to folks over the internet. In fact, its probably dangerous to let you on the internet in the first place! ((shaking head)) You can look at my My Space if you want to see pics of me.
At any rate, my party will be on the 21st. Dinner first, then dancing. If you want the Evite, send me a non-work email address, Okay? And keep it clean for Gawd Sakes! Youre at work!
-Chez
Show us something you believe in.
Submitted by Mama Tami.
...Im not a player, I just crush a lot
GRAMPA
Grampa never did call me back. He did that "Ill call you right back" sh*t. He playing bullsh*t games already and we didnt even f*ck yet? Its like going on a second interview and then never getting a call or a letter from the employer. You know you were rejected but youre not sure why.
OLD JOB IN BOSTON
Ran screaming from Maximus. Actually it was the Supervisor's screaming... slaming doors, barking orders and refusal to answer any questions that caused me to close my pocketbook, get my time sheet signed, and back slowly out the door. "Jim" is a spoiled racist incompetant b*tch, son of Irish Immigrants who moved to Southie when they got to America. After he went on a screaming tirade against another Black temp, who merely pointed out a mistake "Jim" made with the database, I got the f*ck up outta there. "Jim" woulda had one time to speak to me like that, and I already told yall, Im not catching a charge before I take the Bar again.
NEW JOB IN CAMBRIDGE
Now Im doing Auditing/Contract Administration for a bio-tech firm in Cambridge. Lots of crunchy scientist types over there. My first interview was with a girl in jeans and flip flops. No yelling. Lots of free food. Flat screen TVs, microwaves and free coffee in the break room. Free shuttle bus pass. I just review contracts all day and no one bothers me. Today I was given my "starter kit," office and desk supplies (ruler, pens, post-its, staples, tape dispenser, etc) all together in an easy to carry container (a clean black plastic garbage can). Wow, competence! So refreshing. I take the shuttle in and walk home, have to get my exercise in, what with all that free food at the office! LOL
BOSTON POPS POLITICS
Ive started rehearsals for Boston Pops Gospel Night. Ive been behind the scenes on the internet causing trouble as always. Found out that neither the BSO (Boston Symphony Orchestra) nor the BMA (Black Ministerial Alliance) thought they needed to actively promote Gospel Night, like we can afford to lose any more Black traditions in Boston, like the city doesnt need healing, like the playing field is level. Im doing my own promotion, in spite of, because of, cause cant nobody do it like I do. After my appeal to promote Gospel Night on a Grassroots Level went out to about nine of my Boston friends (politicians, photographers, artists, columnists, singers, and attorneys) I heard back from several of them ...and the BSO. Seems that the BSO has assembled staff members to promote Gospel Night, picture that! I even heard from a Sister from the BMA. Though, I seriously doubt the BMA leadership knows that she intends to take this to some of the membership.
Think about it. If there was a Gospel Concert at Lincoln Center, a skilled Guest Maestro and well-known Gospel Icon were featured, and members of Abyssinian were singing, Rev. Butts would have a block of discounted tickets in the church office by the day after the tickets came out. In Boston, the BMA has yet to promote Gospel Night... too busy protest-marching against gay marriage, I guess ((shrugging))
BOSTON POPS GOSPEL NIGHT
((Exhaling)) Now that I got that out of my system... The music we are learning is SOO beautiful. A good mix of classic and contemporary gospel. We have one song with a childs solo and another song featuring a gospel rap solo (we had our first rap solo in last years concert). BostonPopsGospelNight celebrates its Fifteenth Anniversary this year. Our Guest Maestro is Charles Floyd and our guest soloist is Marvin Winans. Boston Pops Gospel Night is on Saturday June 16th at 8pm at Boston Symphony Hall on MassAve and Huntington. Tickets are $18-$85.
DV DUMBA$$
JohnOrlowski, 49 gets the Dumba$$ of the Year award. Already in jail for Domestic Violence, this fool make friends with a hitman, while they are inside. When they are released, he hires the hitman to kill his wife, mother in law and seven year old daughter. He even instructed the hitman on how many bullets to use on each family member and not to shoot his daughter in the head, because he wanted her to have an open casket funeral (?!?!?) The HITMAN became squeamish about shooting a seven year old and helped the FBI get the fool on tape. He was rearrested and appeared in Federal Court in Boston this Monday. Men who commit domestic violence (and child molesters) have an incurable mental illness. They need to be put down like mad dogs.
GRATUITOUS PICTURES OF FOINE BLACK MEN FROM WWW.RUNDU.COM
Peace and Blessings to the family and friends of fallen soldier Pfc. Joseph Anzack Jr, 20. May he Rest In Peace.
Who is your favorite video game character?
Submitted by Korgoth.
Luuved Ms. PacMan! She was gangster with hers, an OG Player. She hung out with those ghosts when Mr. PacMan was away... Ate whatever she wanted including dots, large dots, pretzels, fruit, slow-moving blue ghosts and still got with her man during the intermissions... Mustve kept the weight off by running through all the mazes on each screen...
This game came out in 1981... I switched over from PacMan, learned the "The Pattern" and never looked back. The store owners got to rip us off and us kids got to have a non-violent, group activity without our parents around. And it was a group activity. In the Bronx, in the early 1980s, we did EVERYTHING in large groups, play video games, play music on Boom Boxes, go to the movies, date. Now, with the Ipod, PS2, XBox, DVD, Netflicks and Internet Dating, kids now do everything in their rooms alone. In fact, in many major cities, including New York, large groups of kids are discouraged from doing anything in large groups. Anytime more than three of them gather in a group, the Police show up... even if they are just riding the subway to school.
Back in 1981, if you had told me that in the future, my telephone, my video games, my music and my movies would all fit in my backpack leaving room for my computer (see the 1980 version of the Apple PC)...
...I woulda told you to get off that Crack! ((shaking head, shrugging shoulders))
