2 posts tagged “lent”

Now I know why my supervisor at work is so dizzy. She doesnt eat anything.

Im on South Beach-Phase I and Im all headachy and scatterbrained. Phase I is the first two weeks. No Carbs, no refined sugar, no dark(fatty) meat, no fruit or fruit juice. You eat till you're full. Three meals, two snacks a day. Phase II (in a couple weeks) reintroduces some high fiber carbs.

Dr. Agatston needs to rewrite his diet to include people who dont eat meat and dairy. This is a modified Atkins, so some of the recipes and snacks involve souffles and wrapping sliced cheese around deli meat. BLECH! Dont get me wrong, in real life (not on a diet), I LUUUUV pizza. But with my lactose-intolerant self, I know I can only have about one and half slices before 'the bubbly" starts up.

I dont eat red meat. Im a seafood, poultry kinda gurl. There are only so many ways you can cook seafood and poultry... without breading. And diet or no, I cant eat nasty (read: bland) food. When I bought the groceries for South Beach, I also bought oregano, hot sauce, adobo, etc... May be too much salt intake, but Ill drink extra water. Cant eat no nasty food!

But the best part of this "diet" time is not speaking to my mother. I used to call her everyday because I was afraid she was going to die. I stopped calling her because speaking to her was killing me. And she does not call me. Every positive conversation has some type of negative, anti-ChezNiki comment slipped in between the pages. Either that, or some comment about how all men, white people and/or professional people of any color, are inherently incompetent or evil. She's been saying this since we were children. Okay so, maybe this was some sort of psychological barrier against the intense sexism, racism and classism we would face as young Black girls from the South Bronx growing up in private school. But now, as a straight adult Black professional female in Boston, that sh*t is just not helpful. Men, whites and professionals have to be held accountable for their sexism, rascism and classism. Period. But more importantly I dont live in all-female, Black, chicken-head bubble. I have to interact with, date, f*ck, work with, ride the subway with and live with men, white people and professionals. F*ck! In some circles, Im considered a professional. I have to live with myself, dont I?!?! So that Mantra is no longer helpful (if it ever was), and I personally dont ever want to hear it again.

When I catch her on it, she responds automatically with that Aries-Bullsh*t, "I never said that! You're putting words in my mouth. All I said was..." and then she repeats the anti- male, white or success comment.

But the hardest part is her complete indifference to any success in my life. If I have a problem, it may hold her attention a little longer, but only long enough to blame me for my own problems and tell me she cant help me. This is all I have, my father is completely useless as a parent... or for anything else.

Yes, Im forty years old, but I still deserve parents. Self-parenting and self-determination just doesnt work when you need to know about a family health issue, or learn about a relative, or remember a foggy childhood memory more clearly.

Im an emotional eater. Not eating refined sugars cuts the carb cravings. Not dealing with my mother cuts the rage-eating cravings. It takes a LOT of emotional energy to maintain a relationship with her. When I dont, I find I have increased energy and patience for everything else.

Dunkin's Kahlua Coolatta (remember those?), Trail Mix and Cheezits have saved a lot of lives in Boston. They have kept me from committing assault and battery on many people in the past eight years. Unfortunately, it has contributed to my eighty pounds overweight. Ive lost a little over twenty pounds so far. Ill let yall know how it goes.

PEACE AND BLESSINGS!

Just finished the MasterCleanse. You know the one, the "Spicy Lemonade Fast" the Beyonce Fast, etc. Well, I lost over fifteen pounds and I dont know if my intestines are cleansed, but I'll take their word for it. I did it so I could switch over to South Beach and kick start the weight loss. So far, so good.

Before I knew about Master Clease, when I got sick with any upper respiratory situation, I would drink a tea made of hot water, honey, lemon juice with a pinch of cayenne pepper. It does the trick. It clears the mucus from my head and makes me um... er go. I get well faster. So there is something about the lemon juice, cayenne pepper, unrefined sugar combo that works. Maybe ten days really does "clean you out."

There are plenty of sites that discuss the Master Cleanse. I will give you the tips I wish someone had told me ahead of time:

Buy your supplies in bulk, especially the maple syrup, it will be more expensive if you buy individual bottles of everything.

Buy as many supplies as you can at a traditional drug store or major grocery store. Many traditional grocery stores now carry organics and health food. They buy it in bulk and pass the savings on to the Crunchy Granola set. Before you start the fast, do a little price comparison between the health food store and the mainstream grocery store/ drug store.

A little dab'll do you with the cayenne pepper. I bake and there is no 1/10 teaspoon, spoon. However, what they mean is, "a pinch," "one shake," "a lil bit."

If you use molasses, cut it by half with the maple syrup. The molasses alone is BLECH!

Start on the weekend, get a couple days under your belt before you try to fast at work.

Take a couple squeeze bottles of the juice to work with you, to ward off any hunger/ cheating etc.

The hardest days are days four and six (of a ten day fast). When you hit a wall, stay with it. You're almost done!

Buy lots of lotion, petroleum jelly, etc. You will be going to the bathroom a lot so your hands may get chafed from all the extra washing. Also, you wont be eating any fat during the fast, so your skin may become drier than normal.

Preparation H Suppositories are very helpful... 'nough said.

But most importantly, BUY LOTS and LOTS of toilet paper. Double the amount you usually buy. You will need it!

Well that's all. Good Luck if you are fasting for health reasons or religious reasons (Lent). Hang in there! You're doing good. Wish me luck as I start SouthBeach Phase 1, and find a cheap gym.

BON NUIT, MES ENFANTS