17 posts tagged “wtf?”
ChezNiki: Yall heard about the Football team up here? The Patriots? Filming the other side's coaches and cheating?
ChezMom: Oh yeah. It was on the news here.
ChezNiki: The coach was fined half a million! And the team? Another two-hundred fifty thousand.
ChezMom: All that trouble? To film the Jets??!?! The Jets arent even a good team. Seems like they couldve figured out what they were doing without filming them...
ChezNiki: ((laughing))
Happy Mother's Day to all you Mothers, Potential Mothers and those who are Practicing to become Mothers (Ill give you a moment). Here are some wild news stories and my commentary to make you laugh a little after all those fun-filled family trips back home, church visits and restaurant meals that will occur today, Enjoy!
BRAWL AT THE BSO
This week on Wednesday (May 9, 2007) Lead Conductor KeithLockhart had to stop conducting the Boston Pops Orchestra while the Security Guards... um er, I mean the Ushers broke up a fist fight in the stands... um er, balcony of the Boston Symphony Orchestra. The staff had to forcibly remove a shouting loud man with buttons popped off his shirt (Michael Hallam, 44 Bourne MA) from the balcony. Apparently, the loud talker had been told to "shush" several times and not only continued talking, but punched a man in the face (Matthew Ellenger, 27 Boston MA) after Ellinger reported Hallam to the BSO staff. At first I thought this was a local story that I would call home and tell my family about. But then it made CNN and various news stations in Germany and Russia. Jay Leno even joked about "really white on really white crime." This aint the Bruins game, Fool! Sit down and shut up!!! Some folk were raised in a barn ! ((shaking head))
GOV'MENT G-STRING
Last week (May 10th, 2007), NYS Assemblyman FelixOrtiz introduced a bill that would require New York strippers and strip clubs to be licensed by the State. The measure seeks to protect strip club workers by monitoring their age, immigration status and to prevent sex trafficking. The bill also seeks to collect taxes from the lapdance/tip money. The proposed law would require strippers to obtain an actual permit from the State?!?!! What would such a Permit be called? P*ssy Poppin Permit? Pop LockIt License? The Perculator Permission Slip? Would it be laminated with a photo on the top left? Where would the dancer keep his/her license? On a roach-clip attached to the G-String? And I want to wish New York State good luck in trying to collect taxes on that invisible tuition money...
THE LIGHTBRITE POSSE
The artists, Sean Stevens, 28, and Peter Berdovsky, 27, who were paid $300 each to plant the Aqua Teen Hunger Force LightBrites in Boston, Cambridge and Somerville, were acquitted on Friday (May 11th, 2007). After several hours of community service and a public apology before the Charlestown (MA) District Court, the charges were dropped. The judge held back his laughter while he heard the prepared written statements. Im glad this bullsh*t is over. The main two problems caused by the Light Brite Incident were traffic and hysteria, which were not caused by Stevens or Berdovsky. These problems were caused by 1. lack of an alternate route in or out of downtown Boston, 2. lack of preparedness among the BPD, and also 3. the complete and total lack of knowledge about anything that is going on outside of New England. The ATHF guerilla marketing had been going on for months in other cities before it reached Boston. Maybe had someone paid attention, we would have recognized the Light Brite BEFORE shutting down the entire City. No wonder this french fry box is giving us the finger!
ENJOY YOUR MOTHER'S (Grandmother, Auntie, Other Mother, Babysitter, Teacher, Counselor, StepMother) DAY WEEKEND!
Friday (Last Night), Yanks 4, Sox 11
My Turn
...that if I was a survivor of the VT Shooting Spree, neither I nor my children would return to campus... unless it was to serve papers for the wrongful death/ emotional distress/ negligence lawsuit, after which, Norris Hall would be razed and the school would be renamed "The Creola Atchison School for Black Women"
...that the Terminix commercials with the talking walls are creepy
...that soon I will have to write my complaint letter to Corporate at CVS. I will attach a copy of NYS' Attorney General's public accomodations lawsuit against Macy's for racial discrimination. Ive never seen so many inbred unwashed white people try to protect something they dont own, until I started shopping regularly at CVS
...that the proposed toll, oh 'scuse me, "CongestionPricing" to enter Manhattan, to cut down on traffic and emissions will never happen. Im still pissed off about paying the $4.50 toll to cross the Triboro
...that you should keep your toddler in the stands with you during a football game at Colorado State
...that if you give out your cell number on YouTube as Dial-A-Friend, be sure to tell folk to call during the off-peak. There are a lot of lonely people out there and TMobile may not want to give you a payment plan
..that my ex needs stop posting all those half nekked pictures of himself on his MySpace page. For Gawd sake, Dude! Have a heart!
...that I will stop opening his page soon. Have to wean myself off
...that closeted Brothers looking for a beard think Im a good candidate because Im fat and really sweet (in the beginning) so they feel comfortable attempting to use me as a hide-behind.
...that when they find out that Im actually an intelligent, loud-mouthed b*tch who is horny as hell, they become confused and angry, clutch their pearls and run...
...that I need a T-Shirt that reads, "F*ck what you heard, Herb. Im from the South Bronx, I dont get down like that!"
...that the stale cigarette smoke I smell in my house all day and all night is an angry ghost
...that my shortness of breath and profuse sweating when I first wake up in the morning is neither asthma nor menopause, but anxiety
...that my reoccuring nightmare about a house full of sleeping people with me tired and no place for me to sleep, is about being awake and aware, while others are sleeping on it... or maybe, all the extraneous people who allow to take up space in my life.
...that by July 19th 11:00 am, I will perform the Great Wash Out, focusing on quality not quantity
...that afterwards my list of friends will be painfully small
...that it looks good, but when it grows back, it itches like hell... and you dont really want to be caught scratching 'down there,' do you?
...that ulcers work better than TrimSpa
...that soy milk yogurt with added l. acidophilus is the truth, but I still had to blend it with strawberries to get it to go down
...that my degrees arent worth the paper they are printed on, because my annual salary doesnt equal what I paid to get them.
...that, at this time, my degrees are collectively worth about $10, which is the resale value of the frame I bought for the second one at Restoration Hardware. The first one was professionally framed down on Worth Street. But after moving six times during law school, that frame is cracked and not worth much, like me
...that the only way to regain some dignity is to go for an MBA, or a Business LLM at a real school
...that as a Black woman, over thirty, with three college degrees, Id probably have sex once a decade, but on the plus side, I could afford nekked massages at the spa, lots of Petron and an unlimited supply of sex toys and Zane novels
...that maybe the answer is to burn my degrees and go to beauty school, since Chickenhead University graduates have lots of sex, men and children
...that Dave Chapelle should come back. After listening to Kramer and Imus, and seeing the DVD of the three Chapelle Show "LostEpisodes" on DVD I am convinced of Chapelle's genius even more
...that Im not lazy. Im just tired, angry and horny. But on the real? Im not willing to sacrifice one more thing. At this point, I really have nothing left to give
...that I wont be going to the family reunion this Summer. They dont need me to drive down, so Ill just plan the one for next year and focus on planning my birthday party this year. They wont miss me
...that I will have only one birthday party, at a club, in New York City... no more themed house parties for these ungrateful MFers up here. Some with no home training, raised in a f*cking barn, drunk high rude disrespectful screaming cursing gossiping and complaining. In the midst of all the drama, all my work and party planning went unnoticed. But that was the intended purpose wasnt it? They dont know any better. No one will miss it
...that I should sell everything, move to Paris, change my name and disappear. No one would miss me
...that God only gives you what He wants you to have. So you better find out what He wants and force yourself to love that, because you wont be getting anything outside of that, no matter how hard you work, no matter how strong the desire, no matter how much you fast, pray or believe, there are just some things you will never ever have
Saturday, Yanks 5, Sox 7 ?!?!?!?
Dont get me wrong...
He is my MLB BabyDaddy, with his Big Chocolaty Self...
And Despite His Moodswings, He is the Truth...
And this Brother worked hard for the money last night...
But they have nothing for the Dynamic Duo...
Its all in the genes...
So have your little fun now. See you tomorrow night...
....And see you in the Bronx next weekend
The World has clearly gone mad...
Alec Baldwin KerkingOut on his eleven year old daughter over the phone?
Dude from NASA Kidnapping and Shooting his co-workers, then himself?
Friday, Yanks 6, Sox 7 ?!?!??!
Now be gone...
...before someone drops a house (or some D batteries) on you, too.
Okay so, pretty much the entire broadcast of the Today Show on April 11, 2007, was dedicated to Imus and his lack of common decency, tact and good sense by making on-air racist and sexist comments during a Rutgers Women’s Basketball game. They began by reporting that Staples, Bigelow Tea, Miralus Healthcare (they make Head On) and Proctor and Gamble have pulled their ads from Imus’ TV show on MSNBC.
Early on during the Today Show, there was an interview with Rutgers Scarlet Knights’ Coach C. Vivian Stringer and Guard Essence Carson. The Rutgers Women’s Basketball Team will meet with Imus later this week. They stressed that Imus’ comments came on the heels of an historic celebration for the Scarlet Knights, who had just advanced to the NCAA Division I Championship. It was a day of celebration, honor and accolades by the community, including New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine. Carson agreed that many people are desensitized to misogynous language due to rap music, but she wanted to meet Imus face to face so that he could understand that the team was made up of young intelligent college students, athletes, future scientists, physical therapists, educators.
Later, Matt Lauer interviewed the President Beverly Tatum of Spellman College, an historically Black women’s college; Rev Soaries, a local New Jersey pastor who will moderate between the Rutgers Team and Imus later this week; and Michael Smerconish a Philadelphia political commentator.
Dr. Tatum stressed that all misogynous language and images are harmful and unacceptable regardless of the source, be it rappers or newscasters. She described stories of student who’ve traveled abroad and have been called "ho" or "b*tch" in another country because people from the host country thought these were acceptable American slang words to use. She felt that this is yet another example of the need for us to discuss race issues openly.
Soaries thought that Imus should be fired. He made the point that had Imus called the wife of a radio executive a dirty whore, he would have been fired immediately.
Smerconish thought that Imus should have to pay for the consequences of his actions but that he should not be fired. He also felt that the shock jock culture creates open dialogue.
Later still, after the break, Al Roker interviewed Spike Lee, Whoopi Goldberg and Dr. Harold Koplewicz who is a Psychiatrist at the Child Study Center at NYU. This is where the broadcast became interesting.
Spike Lee’s first comment was, "Get the movie right!" Imus had used the terms ‘Jigaboo’ and ‘Wannabes’ from Spike Lee’s movie School Daze to describe the young women athletes. But he mistakenly thought the terms came from Spike Lee’s Do the Right Thing. Spike believed that Imus, McGuirk and News Anchor Sid Rosenberg, should all be fired.
Whoopi pointed out that as a comic she has a lot of leeway during a live stage performance. However, once she sat down to broadcast her radio show, she was bound by a very strict set of rules concerning what language could be broadcast. She doesn’t understand why Imus is not being held to the same standard.. Imus has been on the air for forty years. She pointed out that there were several other newscasters who were taken off the air after making racist, sexist, anti-Jewish and/or homophobic statements during a broadcast.
Spike Lee perked back up (he was obviously holding himself back) and pointed out that this was not the first time Imus had "spoken out the side of his neck.". He is, in fact, well known for doing so. Even the Rutgers players who wanted to give Imus the benefit of the doubt, had to change their minds after research into Imus’ past oral diarrhea. Spike Lee went on to say that there were other lesser known local newscasters in minor markets who were fired immediately for much less. He encouraged MSNBC to suspend Imus during sweeps to really make an impact. He is very happy about the companies which decided to pull their ads from the Imus show. He began to rant, something to the effect of, "Im gonna go spend $100 in Staples today! After I leave here, Im going to the corner and buy $100 of stuff from Staples. Bigelow Tea? Never had it but Ill buy some of that too. Proctor and Gamble? I don’t even know what they make. Ill buy some of that too!" Whoopi had to calm him a little. Al Roker was laughing.
Dr. Koplewicz spoke about the effect of the Imus Incident on children and teens. He wants parents to use this as a teachable moment. This is an opportunity to teach children that there are consequences to hate speech and also that when hate speech happens, people should speak out against it.
CHEZNIKI POV
SPIKE LEE IS MY MAN! He may be a fifty year old millionaire, with thirty-five films under his belt, a wife, a child, dressed in an expensive suit and shoes, but he is still from Brooklyn. He aint taking no shorts! I have my own issues with Spike Lee and his portrayal of women in his very early movies. But he is undeniably the eyes and the voice of New York, the way Woody Allen, Donald Trump and Rev. Butts are. He is the truth.
MAKE 'EM PAY
Despite his outburst, he is absolutely right. People like Imus, McGuirk, and the high level executives at MSNBC will never understand that Blacks are people too, women are human beings and college athletes are actually young, under-aged, students. You cannot change the mind of a racist. Its like an illness or defect, the core beliefs are not going anywhere. Its ingrained and inbred and passed down generation to generation. You would think after the extreme negative publicity given to Michael Richards, Mel Gibson and even Isaiah Washington, Imus would know better and if he didn’t, he’d be able to rein himself in long enough to finish the broadcast. This is proof of Michael Eric Dyson’s theory that racism is actually a mental defect.
You cannot change peoples beliefs. You can, however, change people’s behavior, by restricting their freedom (criminal proceeding, jail) and/or their money (termination, unpaid suspension, civil judgment). Some people will never understand why their actions were wrong, but they can be made to understand that they will suffer consequences if they decide to do it again. Racism will be alive and well, regardless, but racist behavior can be deterred. Lawsuit, pending lawsuit, work place sanctions, regulations, threats of bodily harm, goodwill, sensitivity training, green peace and granola... I don’t care why the cab driver stops for me in Downtown Boston, so long as he does so, uses the meter, and drives me directly to where I tell him to go. At this time, in the United States, this is the best we can hope for.
FREE SPEECH = FREE TRADE
As far as the language issue. I believe in free speech. But I also believe in free trade. I love rap music and the foul language in rap music isn’t going anywhere. But I also understand that the record labels are making billions when they sign, promote and make videos for the most violent and misogynous music, while giving short shift to neo soul, female, religious and conscious hip hop. Its up to consumers of all races, genders and ages to vote with their feet. We should stop patronizing what offends us. But it doesn’t stop there. We need to actively support the local, independent, conscious, and female artists that we do enjoy. Buy their CDs, pay for the download, go to the concert when they come to your area, buy their t-shirt, talk them up on your blog. Positive messengers should eat too.
NBC CYA
Also, I peeped how there was like sixty-five hours of coverage on this issue over the past couple days. NBC and MSNBC are owned by the same company. It seemed as if Network NBC desperately wants to separate itself from Imus’ impending fall. Only time will tell if they are successful.
UPDATE: 4/11/07 6:30PM EST MSNBC has dropped Imus in the Morning. BubBye!
...When You Look Like You Could Use a Strong AfroPick Yourself
"That's some rough girls from Rutgers," Imus said. "Man, they got tattoos ..."
"Some hardcore hos," said McGurk.
"That's some nappy headed hos there, I'm going to tell you that," Imus said.
Dude!??! Fa Real Fa Real? Who you calling 'Nappy?'
...When Keeping It Real (Nasty) Goes Wrong
Sayin'! ((counting off on my fingers)) Babysitting, Dog Walking, Hair Styling, Sell Some Amway. But when your side hustle is Part-Time Internet Dominatrix, then you may not want to schedule your dungeon sessions in the basement of the family home while your kids and husband are upstairs. Especially when the police force is so small in your town, that you recognize the police officer they send over during the sting operation (after your husband snitches you out to the cops and DSS). I know times are hard for a non-Wiccan in Salem. Im not sayin', but Im sayin'...
...When McDonalds Is the Safest Food You Can Eat
Try to make a salad, the spinach is recalled. Try to make a sandwich, the peanut butter is recalled. Try to feed Fido, the canned dogfood is recalled. Try to feed Fluffy but somebody has tampered with the canned catfood! Okay so, you go for a salad at Taco Bell, but the rats have the workers in the back at gunpoint and want to charge you $10.50 for each item on the dollar menu !!?!?! Time to hit the Drive Thru on McGrath Highway...
"Yes. Can I have the Number Nine Supersized with an Ice Tea, a milk for Fluffy, and a six pack of the chicken thingies for Fido here?... No not the meal, just the chicken strips... No ma'am, no sauce, but we would like extra catsup and, um hold the eColi... Thanks!"
...When the Road Really Does Rise To Meet You
A sharp curve masquerading as an off-ramp caused two accidents in one week near the Zakim Bridge, which links the BigDig in Downtown Boston to the outer towns to the North (Charlestown and Somerville). Two vehicles have gone off the side of the curved overpass in the past two weeks... Yes, you heard right, they slid into and broke through the side barrier and FELL OFF the side of the road, falling approximately fifty feet unto a gravel factory site below. During the first accident two weeks ago, the passenger died when the car fell. During the second incident, a tractor trailer fell on two other vechicles below. No one was killed in the second accident. The transportation authority claims that the road is structurally sound. The family of Milena DelValle (woman killed by the BigDig last summer) would disagree.
...When Art Imitates... Legislature?
David Cordero, a student at School of the Art Institute of Chicago, felt that Illinois State Senator Barack Obama is just the balm that the United States needs to heal from political wounds of the past. No Birkenstocks here. With a tie and business shoes under his robe, and a blue neon halo over his head, our next President is ready to save the world from itself...
Only Prayer Can Help!
HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAY WEEKEND, Yall!
SouthBronx: Well if it was just you, or just me, I would say something different. But its not us, this is happening to all professionals of color in New England, everybody I talk to. Jackie moved back here, Samantha, Sara Shay... I saw on the internet where ten thousand people left Eastern Mass just last year alone. I bet those were people of color who couldn’t get their careers started.
WestEnd: ...Natti moved home last month. Venia said she's gonna go home and move in with her mother in Brooklyn. She cant take it anymore. Debra moved there with her new husband...
SouthBronx: ...and took six of his kids with ‘em
WestEnd: ((laughing)) Sh*t! My shrink is Jewish and she even moved to New York!
SouthBronx: ((laughing)) Yeah, there’s nothing for us up there. Bea fought tooth and nail to put herself through school, all that promise for finishing your education and she’s working in childcare!
WestEnd: Working where?
SouthBronx: Childcare. Nothing wrong with working in childcare, if you want to... but that’s not her field.
WestEnd: Sayin’! Its like a punishment if you have your degree up here.
SouthBronx: I say take the job they are offering, but don’t for a moment stop looking for work outside of New England. The only difference, instead of being home on your computer looking for work, you will be on their computer looking for work. Just make enough so that you don’t have to move back home before you are ready... you know without a job.
WestEnd: Sayin’! But just once, just once, I really want to ask those people at the employment agencies, "You are a legal search firm and I am an attorney. Why are you sending me to a filing job with the State?" or "I have more education than you and everyone sitting on the left side of your office. Why are you trying to send me to a f*cking data entry position?"
SouthBronx: That’s part of the problem too.
WestEnd: Oh what? You think they jealous?
SouthBronx: Yeah and racist. You already know the answer. They would never tell the truth.
WestEnd: Yeah, but I would love to ask them directly and see them squirm. One day I just want to get on the phone and ask them, "Yo! What the f*ck?!?!?"
((both laughing))
